I've had my doubts...

Sometimes I find I'm in a situation where I'm not sure what God is trying to accomplish. Is he testing my faith, or is he trying to tell me (through this complex complicated process which could fail) that my plans are not His plans? Am I supposed to march forward fearlessly, confident that He is in control? Or am I supposed to take these twists and turns as a sign of whats to come?


Patrick tells me not to worry, that whatever happens, happens and we'll be fine. That may be true, but I sometimes feel like I've been holding my breath for the past 60 days and I won't be able to exhale until I have those keys in my hands... But what if that doesn't happen? Then what? And why would we get so far only to meet diappointment?

I feel like this dream of becoming a home-owner is one that God has put in my heart. I have felt that he alone has orchestrated all of the lucky breaks we've received up until this point. I have felt like this was part of his plan for us. But I sometimes find I'm facing this problem: DOUBT. I am not doubting God, by myself and my abilities to hear His calling. What if I was looking through my rose-colored glasses and was hoping that this was his plan, even if it isn't. Sometimes, I can't tell the difference between my desires and His calling. There have only been a couple of times when I've heard God; most of the time, its a feeling or a sense of urgency. Now I'm wondering if its Him thats been leading me or if its a selfish desire that I've been fooling myself into thinking was His plan...

So when I find myself doubting, I try to remember: He is in control, His plans are far better than mine, and to everything there is a purpose. This chapter on Faith really helps put things in perspective.

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"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephanian 3:17